Can I cut away the damage you’ve done?
Is there a blade sharp enough to remove it?
This mangled flesh doesn’t belong,
A knife seems better than a bullet.
Forgive and forget sounds so simple,
I just can’t seem to find the formula.
Constantly looking for a hand that’s helpful,
But judgment’s much more plentiful than love.
If you know of someone send them my way,
Because my own mind’s attacking me.
I’m starting to fade day-by-day.
I need someone to calm my sea.
You hurt me deeper than I thought possible.
Trusting again may never happen.
How the hell do I cross that obstacle,
When I can’t seem to straighten what you bent?
I’m living in my own personal hell,
And there’s no one to blame, but you.
I need someone, anybody’s help,
‘Cause when it comes to healing, I have no clue.
You taught me how to live with you by my side,
Then, when things got hard you ran away.
You took with you my will to stay alive,
And left me with nothing but a heart full of hate.
I wish I were stronger than this empty shell,
But you made me believe in heaven,
Then personally introduced me to hell.
I’m not sure I’ll ever be me again.
I used to believe I could do anything.
Then, you told me, “know your place in this world.”
That was the moment that I stopped dreaming,
All because you said, “you’re just a girl.”
No one’s ever made me feel more alone.
Though I can’t help but smirk at the irony,
When you tell me every time we speak on the phone,
“I’m always here if you need me.”
Where are you, than? Because it’s been years.
Your promises are as shallow as a puddle.
I’m not sure where you’ve been, but it’s not here.
Starting to think where your heart should be, there’s just muscle.
I don’t wish for my words to make you feel sad,
But, much of who you are is who I don’t want to be,
Because you make fewer people feel good than bad.
I know from experience, because you’ve hurt me.
I hope you’re at peace, because I still feel cheated.
Maybe time will heal the pain you’ve caused.
I just hope by the end, we’re not both defeated.
Then this all would be for nothing: a mutual loss.
The truth is that my wounds can’t heal without your help.
I need to forgive before it’s too late.
I know enough now to know I can’t do it by myself,
In order to cleanse my soul of all this hate.
Someday, forgiveness will come naturally,
Not today, but soon, I know for sure.
Because hate steals from you slowly,
And I know it will take more than I can afford.
When the scars heal and the past is behind me,
I may even find myself at your door.
Will you be there to welcome me?
At this point, I can’t be so sure.
They say art imitates life, but I don’t know if that’s true.
It’s difficult to capture the threads of one’s soul,
But, that’s exactly what art tries to do.
Art, to me, is a means in which to pay off my indebted toll.
Every minute of reflection spent on feeling,
Allows me to cope with the past.
Each word written is a step closer to healing,
I hope that someday, the relief will last.
By: J. Brock